Vomiting

We all do it. We know it sucks. But we all also know there is no better euphoria than a good post-puke.


This past Friday, I went to Kenny's apartment after work to celebrate Friday. Kaye bought some vodka, she curled my hair, and we drank. Jon brought us Wendy's. I ordered the Chili and potato. Apparently PoPo and Kaye had never experienced Wendy's Chili until that point, and now their lives are forever changed.


Friends came over. Around 7 pm, Kaye started pounding shots. Pounding is an understatement. She had roughly 6-7 shots in what we think was 20-30 minutes. Now, I don't know when it happened, but all of a sudden Kaye isn't around and Jenny is rushing to the bathroom with 8 pieces of Filipino bread in a paper towel. Why you ask? Kaye's sick.


Kaye is sick. She loves to puke. She made this fact known to all of us who entered to help her. She did not want us to endure her suffering, so she kept telling us to go out (remember it was only like 8pm, so thanks Kaye for letting us go, but we really had no where to be that early) and that she LOVED puking. During her 2 - 4 hour puke sesh, she screamed, yelled, and snotted. For the rest of us in the apartment, that is a long time to go without peeing, so we had to resort to urinating in the tub to relieve ourselves. Peeing while listening to puking and crying. What a gem. This did not come without a price though --  if you peed in the tub, you were at Kaye's beck and call.

Me, confined to pee in the shower.

During my time of helping, Kaye screamed she needed to wipe her face. I got her a wet papertowel. Her face upon looking at it was non other than stank. Stank face. "NO SARAH NOT THAT KIND. B-I-O-R-É." Paper towels are for the peasants. I got her a Biore cloth. She wouldn't lift her head out of the porcelian pot because, she later told me, she was snotting too much and was embarrassed by her face.


PoPo tried to help, but as it turned out, he was not good enough for her. She shouted for her BFFF Charm. "GET ME CHARM" "WHERE IS CHARM" "CHARM CHARM CHARMER" Jon left the bathroom deflated. Poor helpless PoPo.


Long story short, PoPo and I went out to a bar in Arlington. I called him when I wanted to leave to ask where he was. "I'm outside" It was a little strange walking outside to see him just posted up against the bar doing nothing. Whatever. We started walking home. Kinda of a hike, so we decided to get Wendy's (Wendy's is quite close to Kenny's). Along the way, PoPo had to keep pulling over to puke on the sidewalk. It didn't matter though, the long walk paid off.

PoPo a puking.

Upon entering Wendy's, I felt like Augustus Gloop. Those great red and yellow colors, and the fabulous brown retro seating. I've only ever been in this Wendy's drunk, and each time I'm there, I love it more. To top off this cake, PoPo announced to get whatever I want. It's on him.


Oh. My. God. Hallelujah.


For starters we ordered two large Chilis. He wanted to try those honey BBQ nuggets, so we got some of those. He also wanted the regular nuggets as well. I wanted something healthyso I got the Grilled Chicken Meal (that included fries, it's ok, I got diet coke) and I wanted to try the Bacon Blue Burger, so we got that meal as well. 27 dollars later, he and I leave Wendy's.

Success.

Barging into Kenny's apartment, we feast. First we started with the nuggs. I told him we should save the Chili for the next day because it's too good to eat drunk. I had a bite of both sandwiches, and it hit me. I stopped eating. Jenny recapped this for us the next morning. While she laid in bed after letting us in, this is what she heard:


Me: "OH NO" sprint to bathroom
PoPo: "WHAT'S WRONG"
Me: Gagging
PoPo: "YOU GOT THIS!"
Me: "I DON'T THINK I CAN"
PoPo: "YES YOU CAN"
Me: Gagging, no throw up "POPO HELP ME BE BULIMIC"
PoPo: Very seriously, "GO LIKE THIS" makes two finger gesture "STICK IT IN, PULL IT OUT!" makes bulimic gesture
Me: Attempts to pull trigger, fails, tries harder, succeeds, does not listen to the "pull it out" part of PoPo's instructions, hand covered in slimey nuggets
PoPo: "PULL IT OUT! DON'T FORGET TO PULL IT OUT!" rubs my back to comfort me
Me: Finishes bulimia, hand covered in fry goo, announces "I AM DONE WITH THIS ANOREXIA"


We pass out. Me in Kaye's bed, PoPo on the couch. 


We woke up the next morning, recapped with Kenny, and ate our Chili. Jenny had dance practice for the Wizards, so she had to wear too-tight tights that ripped a hole right on her crack. I painted toenail polish on the run on her bottom. Kaye and I went shopping. She bought a Michael Kors watch. Rose Gold to be exact. I am still jealous.

Kaye's Perfect Watch

Happy puking everybody.