Julie dated this B in high school and for two years in college. He cheated on her. She then started on and off dating this other guy, during and after college, who also cheated on her. Douchebags. B # 2's name was Jayshawn (yes, I know, Jayshawn. I didn't make that up). Jayshawn was not good enough for Julie, but he was a nice guy (actually B # 1 was a very nice guy too, but they all end up cheating don't they). She liked him a lot, especially his BBC (I will not say what this means, you can go off and Google it). He cheated. I hate him.
So Julie has always had this thing for B. B loves Julie. Why you ask me? I don't know. She is tall, pretty, and blonde, with light hazel/greenish eyes. She is thin, large boobies, and is funny. Now do you wonder why? No, I don't either.
In August '09, Julie became employed by a City around here working with clients who need money. There are a lot of B around her office. She loves Dunkin Donuts. From the beginning, she and one of the B's, Wayne, flirted about their love of Dunkin Donuts. Now, I guess it started from there. Somehow someone saw the other with a DD bag, and they bonded real quick. Cute, eh?
Wayne isn't the only B in the office. We also have Jaqduakiss. He works IT in her building. He is cute, I think? They flirt a lot. He isn't that important to this story.
Wayne works in her building. He bought Julie some DD a few times, and vise versa Julie was dating B#2 at this time, and she had a few pictures of them decorating her cub. We think this was Wayne's open door to liking Julie. What better way into an attractive white girl's heart, than giving her what she really wants? THE BBC. But he wasn't the only one who noticed the pictures in the cubicles .She noticed while dropping off a coffee or donut or whatnot, that Wayne had pictures of him holding a little girl. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, she assumed the girl was his niece NOT his daughter.
We think after he saw the pictures of B#2 with Julie, he just assumed she was into the black culture. Now I am not racist. Please do not think of me as it. But there are certain stereotypes that black people like rap music... If you fight this you are ignorant. Anyways, Wayne dropped by Julie cube one day and inquired as to if she liked Jay-Z -"Have you heard the new Jay Z cd? You like that kind of music don't you?" --- Just because she dates a black guy she likes rap and hip hop? I guess that's an OK conclusion, but uhhhh, does that mean since he is interested in white girls that he likes Sarah McLauchlan and The Cranberries? I don't THINK so!
Wayne has either graduated high school, or college in 1995 (we can't tell from Facebook... all we know is that he graduated from something in 1995). This makes him either 33 or 37. I pray it's not the ladder.
They flirt a lot in the office, and one time he complimented her hands. Julie does have good hands (am I sounding lesbian or what?). I guess I've noticed because a. I've known her awhile and b. I hate my hands.
He compliments her hands, and then asks to take her to lunch. She already ate. She finds out he is one of those spur of the moment eaters, unlike me or her, who like to plan their lunch hour accordingly, fearing hunger like the Black Plague. This happens a few times, until finally she can pin him down to finally going to Famous Dave's one lunchtime. He continues to compliment her hands and her eyes, then he says,"Tell me if I compliment you too much." Ha, like a girl would say that.
They hug and depart ways.
No red flag he is a father... yet.
Again, they flirt in the office (via phone or email, in person flirting is too riskayy)
Wayne- Want a Reeses Cup?
Julie- Yes!
Wayne- Cum claim it! (yes he used "Cum")
He also had this tendency to grab and kiss her hands... I am sensing a hand fetish.
Now for the dirty dirty.
They made plans for dinner, and on her way to her car, she saw his car... this car had a car seat in it. The red flag has been raised. After dinner, they only kissed blah blah boring.
The following weekend, they decided to "hang out". Does anyone really know the definition of "hanging out" when it comes to the opposite sex? Unless clear friend boundaries have been formed (such as Jon and me... I mean, I made him try squeezing poop out of me once-- it didn't work), you cannot hang out without showering, shaving, and strategically planning an outfit.
So Julie and Wayne are hanging out at her apartment, drinking wine, and watching Couples Retreat. They start making out. They start petting... heavily. She starts using her mouth on the BBC, and she notices something out of the ordinary. Gray hairs. I guess once you graduate from college, this become more common? I am shocked to say the least. Will that happen to me??? Am I going to go silver down under??? Are all my obsessions with Silver Foxes (Anderson Cooper) a lie??? Oh I need to re-evaluate my life.
Before they do anything though, he stands up from the couch and tells her how perfect the couch is for f*ck*ng. Eww B! GROSS! He then does stuff to her, but she maintains her "WTF" about finding Silver (I mean, she wasn't on a treasure hunt or anything.... that Silver just snuck up on her, and it's not like she can cash it in). After he touches her special place, he puts his fingers in his mouth and says "I am a freaky mother f*cker"
AH!
They don't do it, but they do get close. He exclaims he can't do this anymore because he is going to ____ in his pants. Eww B! GROSS!
The next day at work, he sends her a video of his BBC bouncing. Yes, you heard me right. His BBC bouncing.
They see each other while going to the bathroom... he does that weird grabbing of the hand thing again.
Oh and his email address is not EXACTLY this, as I have changed the name to protect the freak - jacquishnasdaddi@gmail.com. What conclusion are we to draw here?
TO BE CONTINUED
Does Wayne have a child?
The TRUTH about why Julie and B get along so well.
What will be their next step in this freakomatic relationship?
Follow me for another episode of the BBC.
XOXO,
Sarah
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