Marley is a golden retriever. He is skittish and cute. Very golden. I got to sit in the back of Kathleen's pick up with him. The pick up was very small, so we put our luggage in the bed of the truck. Rides to Tech are always longer than I expect because I know how much fun awaits. Throughout the whole ride I kept getting texts of my ETA from Greg (BFFFF) and Geisha. It's a 5 hour drive, but certain obstacles stood in our way.
We pulled off to get gas and it seemed there was a storm a brewing, so we did what anyone would do in this situation and put our bags in large, construction worker trash bags. Marley is scared of loud noises, so he didn't take to that. This gas station felt like a scene out of Deliverance, so we quickly departed.
We made it all the way to Roanoke without traffic, and suddenly we hit it. Why you ask? Well it took about 45 minutes to get through it, and upon passing the cause, we realized we were really in bum f*ck Virginia. A hay truck. The hay fell off the truck. This major delays on a Friday afternoon in 'rush hour' of Roanoke. Pathetic. In the DMV, you get 89 car pile up, and limbs on the road to cause major traffic delays. But really, hay? No wonder it smells like sh*t driving down there.
We get to Tech, and I don't really remember much of this night, as we didn't rest from our drive to getting getting ready to going out. No dinner. All I know is, is that there are pictures I don't remember taking, with my friends I will never forget (second reference to this quote. See Sassy). The next day, Po asked me if I saw one of our friends from home, Tanya. I said No, I didn't know she was in town. Low and behold the first picture tagged of me from this night, is with Tanya.
The one thing I do remember from this night, is going to Joe's Diner with Greg. Now, I don't think I have ever gone to Joe's Diner without Sassy. I have never gone to Joe's Diner sober. I know it is small, and hole in the wallish. I know it is delish as well, but is it really? Does the alcohol hinder my judgement of greasy breakfast food? Sassy was not there that weekend because he is a faggot who went to his fraternity formals. I guess that's ok.
Anyways, Greg and I go to Joe's in Sassy's honor. We are happy. We are really happy when we sit down. All of a sudden, we started talking about something, and Niagara Falls starts to come out of my eyeballs. I start bawling to Greg about my lack of male companionship in life, and he starts crying because he is so sad to see me like this. He starts emphasizing how awesome I am, and we end up fighting over that. We hadn't ordered yet.
Finally the f*cking waitress comes around, maybe she was waiting for the storm to stop, I dunno, but she took her sweet a$$ time getting there. I hadn't even looked at the menu though, but I knew I was hungry.
This is how the conversation went:
Me-
"What can I get you?"
I'Ll HaVe The CHeeeSY EggsSs WAHHHH!!!..
With HAMM WAHHH waterFalllouttaEyeBalls...
And HAShBROWnS WaHHHHhh SoBB....
And TOAST wahhshhhh CRY TearS tEars WAHHeEEE
Greg-
"And you?"
I'llLL haVEE the ToTS WAHhhhhh sobbb CryIng
"Ok thanks"
She turns and walks away.
Greg and I continue our hot mess of tears, and I ended up yelling at him and screaming FINE GREG JUST LEAVE and I dramatically threw my MasterCard on table telling him that I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS JUST LEAVE.
He doesn't leave, surprisingly. We end up walking home talking our life problems out. We sleep, wake up and started drinking again.
We started drinking again as Maggie got a keg for our sorority's alumni tailgate. Maggie's apartment looked like hell, so we quickly cleaned for this impromtu tailgate.
After tapping the keg, Greg decided not to waste the foam. He rabie-fied himself, obvi.
This is Greg.
I found a gross mango on the ground, and Greg decided to throw it at the brick wall of Maggie's apartment. It looked like brain splatter, obvi.
See the mango/brain splatter?
We then went downtown after spending countless hours there. We were with one of Sassy and Greg's friends Bish, and her gay Raleigh. We went to a bar called Sharkey's, but decided to go to the Delta Sig tailgate. I of course had to pee like always, and I run to the bathroom. When I walked outside, what do I see? Raleigh and Greg being mature.
Get it?
Walking to the tailgate, I thought I saw someone I knew, but in reality it wasn't him. It was someone identical to Asian, one of Greg and my best friends ( I apparently have a lot of besties). I saw someone in this group with Asian Look-A-Like, who I ACTUALLY knew and said CHRIS WE NEED A PICTURE WITH THIS ASIAN. The Asian Look-A-Like obliged. Why he asked, did we need a picture of him? Well DUH, you look like our friend Asian. He said "Asian Le?" YES! "Asian Le is my cousin!" OMG. All his friends were like, This is Chucky. Chucky? Really? This amazing.
Asian Le on left.
La dee da. The rest of the day was fine. Went to West End. Got Sarah's Signature Salad- the chef.
We go back to take a nap. We slept in Maggie's roommate's bed, and were awoken by Maggie's mom's friend. Greg wasn't wearing a shirt, and so she thought we banged. "DOES ALI KNOW YOU ARE SLEEPING HERE" Yes... and we did not do it.
That night it was raining. My hair was a mess, and my boobs were OOC (out of control). They looked fake. Miserable. We get to TOTS, and Greg essentially chugs two Rails because he is tall. We see a bunch of Delta Sigs, and we start chillin with them. I see Paula sippin' on a Rail. This was no ordinary Rail. This was a 22 dollar Top Shelf Rail. Essentially every sip you take (depending on your thirst level) costs around $2.49. I had about $4.90 worth of Top Shelf Rail, and it still took Paula around 500 minutes to finish. I forgave him though because he probably flew on his magic carpet to get here, and I don't know how efficient that kind of travel is... it shows his dedication to the Top Shelf Rail.
We went to another bar because TOTS was crowded as f*ck, and Benjiman kept looking at my fake t*ts.
Nothing else really interesting happened until we go home to Maggies, and watch YouTube videos the rest of the night. Greg dared to show my YouTube, but failed to show his. His is about 29389 times better than mine, so I made everyone watch his G-R-E-G-O-R-Y video. You should watch it too.
You decide which is better.
I fell asleep. The next morning I awoke to the sh*ttiest smell of dog ass, as Maggie's mother's friend who thought Greg and I mated left her dog there (a hideous creature, but sweet), but before she left, she decided to feed it Kielbasa. Thanks Maggie's mother's friend.
Kathleen, another sorority sister, Petey Pablo, and I went 7/11, where Petey Pablo bought three toquitos for breakfast.
We packed up, and went home.
The end.
1 comment:
You saw me on this Friday night that you don't remember, haha. You seemed browning out-not quite blacked, but not really going to remember much =)
It was a great weekend!
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